Thursday, December 31, 2009

Reflecting back on 2009

2009 has definitely been the best year for me so far! The year is coming to a close, and what a year it has been for me. All of 2009 was spent learning and exploring my spanking fantasies. Last year at this time I had just joined the SCONY chat and looking forward to my very first party. I honestly didn't think I would still be involved in this because I thought it was just an experience or two that I craved and once I had those then I'd be done with it. But nope, here I am still in it and loving it even more.

I started as a bottom, became a switch for a couple months, and now consider myself to be a top in social situations and parties. My bottom side has became a thing for my personal life, as the type of discipline sessions that I crave do not lend themselves very well to be played out during a party, because these sessions tend to be of a serious and personal nature.

When I started this, I never in a million years thought I would actually own an implement, and especially didn't think I would buy one for myself! But a week ago I did just that. For those who want to bottom to me, my scene name is now Ms. Panettiere; but I am still "Alicia" for those who do not want me to top them. My top persona is taken from my own desires and cravings that I have as a bottom to be disciplined and scolded. I bring that into the topping realm and treat those I top just as I like being treated as a bottom, for the most part.

Aside from the spanking, I have met some of the most wonderful people in this community. This is like a family to me, and surprisingly enough, I enjoy just being with people in the community even if it wasn't for the spanking. I'm very, very thankful for the friendships that I have formed over the past year, you know who you are, and THANK YOU.

The video was also an exciting thing for me this year, and I look forward to what opportunities that 2010 might bring my way.

Happy New Year!!!  I wish you all a wonderful 2010.

Saturday, December 26, 2009


Before I delve any further into talking about my experience and thoughts on spanking, I just wanted to let you know that that is all it is- My own thoughts, experience and opinions.  I have not been involved in this long enough to have all the answers (or any of them for that matter).  But I do enjoy talking about this subject that is so near & dear to my heart. 

The more time that passes I see that this thing we do is not the same for all people. We all bring our own past experiences and different desires into spanking, and it continues to amaze me just how different, yet the same, we actually are. What is right for me very well may not be right for other people. But what I hope is that we all strive to understand each other and allow the freedom to be different (as long as we are causing no harm, of course).

Openly talking about it and allowing others to read my writing makes me feel less ashamed of this "fetish" that I have.  Most of the time I don't even think of it as a fetish...It is just who I am.  The longer I am involved in this the more I see that it is not shameful, it is just that the vanilla world does not understand or comprehend it.  They deem anything that doesn't fit perfectly into their mold to be weird or deviant- but who determines normal, really?

So...I hope you enjoy it. If you do please drop me a line so I know people are reading it. :)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Happy Holidays!

The holidays came up too fast this year!  I just finished up all my shopping today and am ready for the family activities that I have planned for the rest of this week and thru the weekend.  I wish everyone a Happy Holidays and a safe & fun New Year.  Hope you enjoy the time with your family and friends.

Also wanted to let you know that all of the pics are up and the video clips have now started to post on Clare's sites.  On Girl Spanks Girl, you'll find "Aunt Bella"; and the Lily Spank-office scene is on Spanked Sweeties...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Premiere of "Lily Anna" on Spanked Sweeties

Clare just let me know this afternoon, that she posted photos on Spanked Sweeties from the office scenario shoot that we did. This video was totally spontaneous. We had just wrapped up shooting for "Aunt Bella", and were getting ready to pack up, but decided to do another scene. I enjoyed this one just as much as the other.  But boy, this Mr. Sanders guy (a.k.a. Colonel Sanders, lol) spanks HARD!

Lily Anna was very cool to shoot with and she helped me TONS by showing me the ropes of my first video.  She got her start modeling for Punished Brats, and has branched out from there.  I think she is sooooo cute in the pics and videos that I've seen her in!

Monday, December 14, 2009

"Aunt Bella" premiered today on Girl Spanks Girl!

Just a quick post to let you know that the shoot premiered today on Girl Spanks Girl!  Clare Fonda also has a short write-up about it on her blog.  Today some of the photos were posted and then more (photos and the video) will be added in the days to come.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

More about my first video shoot

I arrived in L.A. on Friday afternoon and got settled into the hotel.  Clare did a filming for one of her sites that I was able to watch and get a feel for how my shoot the following day would go.  I was very impressed with the fact that it was done in just one take, however that made me feel a bit nervous since I wasn't sure that I could perform well enough in just one take.

Friday evening I did a little sight-seeing with Clare's business partner/camera man and another spanking model.  It was somewhat of a chilly day in Cali, but still warmer than the weather back home.  I had a good time seeing the sights, and going to a comedy club; then back to the hotel for some much needed rest (since I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore). 

Saturday was the shoot, which lasted from noon - 5pm.  I was just a little bit nervous, but to my surprise it was all shot in just one take!  I was in 6 scenes of the video, then at the end of the day we shot an impromptu short video.  I bottomed in both videos.  I don't want to give away any details of either video because I want to leave that for Clare to reveal.

Then on Sunday I slept in!!!  Once I got up and around we went to eat and get a Thai massage.  Now I regularly get massages, but I've never had a massage quite like this one.  Let me explain the procedure:  A small Thai woman forms you into a pretzel and then walks on you.  Actually though, she worked all the knots out of my back and shoulders, even more so than the swedish relaxation massages that I get at home, but boy was I sore afterwards. 

I flew home on Monday afternoon.  The lines at the airport were the worst lines I think I've been in, but all worked out and I got on my flight.

I enjoyed myself immensly, doing two of the things I like:  acting and spanking.  Clare was very fun and easy to work for, and I definitely will be shooting with her again sometime in the future.  It was a very good first experience and I hope to have many more.  :)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

My personal interest in spanking

My interest goes well beyond simply spanking.  In fact, to really break it down, I hate being spanked!  I do not like being in pain and spanking hurts.  I know this is kind of weird coming from a self-proclaimed "spanko".  Let me explain...

This interest of mine is better described as a longing and craving for things that I missed out on as a child.  I longed for discipline, but didn't get it.  The earliest that I can remember having this desire was in my middle school years.  I would purposely do things to get in trouble with teachers so that they would punish me and show that they cared.  I daydreamed alot about what it would be like to be disciplined by a caring but stern parental-type figure.

Once I reached adulthood, I believed I needed to come to terms with this unfulfilled longing and put it out of my mind once and for all.  Afterall, this was embarrassing to me that I had these desires still and it couldn't possibly be normal, could it?  I was fairly successful at this for almost 10 years, although I had the occassional episode where I would crave discipline so much that I would cry.  It was during one of these crying episodes about a year ago that I searched the internet and found Ms. Margaret's website.  I read every single word on her site that evening and it all was exactly how I felt and what I'd been searching for.  An adult spanking community existed and there were actually others who wanted the same things that I did.

Some words that particularly spoke to me from Ms. Margaret's writings on her website:

While the striking with a hand, hairbrush or paddle may be intense, the atmosphere is one of control and loving concern. The words seem to come straight from a parent's lips, "You know what's going to happen and you know why. We have talked about this before, and you chose not to follow my instructions. Now, bring me the hairbrush and get over my knee." 
The room is quiet and the ritual begins. The pants are lowered, the naughty one is bent over and the spanking commences, stroke after stroke on the raised bottom. Should there be any signs of resistance, the one in charge should have a number of solutions readily available so that there is no misunderstanding that this spanking will happen according to plan.
The above is taken from:

The Ritual

  • spanking for very real offenses or role-play

  • privacy, serious atmosphere, serious spanking

  • forewarning, fearful anticipation

  • sent to a room to wait, corner time

  • having to ask for the spanking

  • being told to present the implement

  • scolding, explanation beforehand

  • addressing someone as "sir" or "ma'am" during this time

  • having pants removed or being told to remove them

  • being told to assume a position or being placed in position

  • cuddle time afterwards or isolation (e.g., being sent to bed)

  • closure and forgiveness

  • The above is taken from:

    To me, this is all about therapy and healing.  Discipline had been missing in my life as a child, and this is now a way to get it back.  When I am being punished now as an adult, I tend to feel and/or see myself at a younger age, maybe 15 or so.  It is like I go back to that time in the past to get the discipline and nurturing that I should have gotten.  Though I can't say that I "enjoy" any of this, I do long for it.  The scolding, corner time, restriction from privileages, and yes, spanking.

    The feeling of being disciplined, contrite, nurtured, and loved is the end goal.  Just like what a child receives from a parent.

    Tuesday, December 8, 2009

    Welcome to my spanking blog!

    I decided to start this blog to chronical my spanking journey.  I am new to both blogging & spanking, so please be patient :). 

    I got home last night from my trip to L.A. to shoot my very first spanking video with Clare Fonda which will be shown on her site, Girl Spanks Girl.  I'm not sure of the release date yet, but once I know I will be sure to post it here.  I had a blast shooting it and hope that everyone will like it. 

    While I was in Cali, I got a head cold so I am laying around trying to recover from that.  Once I feel better, I will tell you a little more about my experience in L.A., and my own personal interest in spanking.  But for now I'm going to get a little rest.