Wednesday, December 9, 2009

My personal interest in spanking

My interest goes well beyond simply spanking.  In fact, to really break it down, I hate being spanked!  I do not like being in pain and spanking hurts.  I know this is kind of weird coming from a self-proclaimed "spanko".  Let me explain...

This interest of mine is better described as a longing and craving for things that I missed out on as a child.  I longed for discipline, but didn't get it.  The earliest that I can remember having this desire was in my middle school years.  I would purposely do things to get in trouble with teachers so that they would punish me and show that they cared.  I daydreamed alot about what it would be like to be disciplined by a caring but stern parental-type figure.

Once I reached adulthood, I believed I needed to come to terms with this unfulfilled longing and put it out of my mind once and for all.  Afterall, this was embarrassing to me that I had these desires still and it couldn't possibly be normal, could it?  I was fairly successful at this for almost 10 years, although I had the occassional episode where I would crave discipline so much that I would cry.  It was during one of these crying episodes about a year ago that I searched the internet and found Ms. Margaret's website.  I read every single word on her site that evening and it all was exactly how I felt and what I'd been searching for.  An adult spanking community existed and there were actually others who wanted the same things that I did.

Some words that particularly spoke to me from Ms. Margaret's writings on her website:

While the striking with a hand, hairbrush or paddle may be intense, the atmosphere is one of control and loving concern. The words seem to come straight from a parent's lips, "You know what's going to happen and you know why. We have talked about this before, and you chose not to follow my instructions. Now, bring me the hairbrush and get over my knee." 
The room is quiet and the ritual begins. The pants are lowered, the naughty one is bent over and the spanking commences, stroke after stroke on the raised bottom. Should there be any signs of resistance, the one in charge should have a number of solutions readily available so that there is no misunderstanding that this spanking will happen according to plan.
The above is taken from:

The Ritual

  • spanking for very real offenses or role-play

  • privacy, serious atmosphere, serious spanking

  • forewarning, fearful anticipation

  • sent to a room to wait, corner time

  • having to ask for the spanking

  • being told to present the implement

  • scolding, explanation beforehand

  • addressing someone as "sir" or "ma'am" during this time

  • having pants removed or being told to remove them

  • being told to assume a position or being placed in position

  • cuddle time afterwards or isolation (e.g., being sent to bed)

  • closure and forgiveness

  • The above is taken from:

    To me, this is all about therapy and healing.  Discipline had been missing in my life as a child, and this is now a way to get it back.  When I am being punished now as an adult, I tend to feel and/or see myself at a younger age, maybe 15 or so.  It is like I go back to that time in the past to get the discipline and nurturing that I should have gotten.  Though I can't say that I "enjoy" any of this, I do long for it.  The scolding, corner time, restriction from privileages, and yes, spanking.

    The feeling of being disciplined, contrite, nurtured, and loved is the end goal.  Just like what a child receives from a parent.


    1. I'm glad you found your way into this community and it's very intresting to read about your experiences in your blog.

    2. Thanks Urs! I'm glad you like it.

    3. I can relate to this very strongly. Whichever role I'm thinking or acting as, for me it is all about authentic discipline, and my ideas about it also come from my middle school years. The main difference is that, instead of looking for something I missed out on, I look for a return to those years where I did have parents who were strict and nurturing. I understand how an adult could long for that. In high school the discipline stopped, and I was drifting. My behavior worsened markedly. Don't get me wrong. I hated spankings, and always will, but there is that young adolescent inside who still needs discipline. There was certainly never anything erotic about being punished by parents. It was the real thing, and that's what it's about for me. Real parental-type discipline.

      Thank you, Alicia.

    4. Alicia very nice post agree with all you said yes if children know when spanked by loving caring parents they accept them ,better sore botties than being nagged at ,i enjoy ageplay playing like to see you on s.i.n. spanko chatroom and spanking community might chat to you there hope so and ,love and spanks ,tim xx

    5. When alicia offered her expertise as Ms. Panettiere and I expressed interest, she initiated an indepth communication via email wherein we learned about each other, and my spanking desires in particular. Being the typically resistent bottom, I was not fond of the apparent mandate to be processed prior to being accepted as somebody Ms. Panettiere would readily top, but it was worth it in the end [no pun intended].

      I had the privilege and opportunity to be disciplined by Ms. Panettiere on 2 occasions over the April, 2010 SCONY Spanking Weekend in the Mountains; and the smirk that most tops don't even address was soon removed from my face...and a painful, stinging burn applied to my bottom. Yes, Ms. Panettiere, my behavior on the SCONY message board, where I have displayed insolent demeanor [although initiated by others and not my fault] will, no doubt, improve noticeably in the near future.