This interest of mine is better described as a longing and craving for things that I missed out on as a child. I longed for discipline, but didn't get it. The earliest that I can remember having this desire was in my middle school years. I would purposely do things to get in trouble with teachers so that they would punish me and show that they cared. I daydreamed alot about what it would be like to be disciplined by a caring but stern parental-type figure.
Once I reached adulthood, I believed I needed to come to terms with this unfulfilled longing and put it out of my mind once and for all. Afterall, this was embarrassing to me that I had these desires still and it couldn't possibly be normal, could it? I was fairly successful at this for almost 10 years, although I had the occassional episode where I would crave discipline so much that I would cry. It was during one of these crying episodes about a year ago that I searched the internet and found Ms. Margaret's website. I read every single word on her site that evening and it all was exactly how I felt and what I'd been searching for. An adult spanking community existed and there were actually others who wanted the same things that I did.
Some words that particularly spoke to me from Ms. Margaret's writings on her website:
While the striking with a hand, hairbrush or paddle may be intense, the atmosphere is one of control and loving concern. The words seem to come straight from a parent's lips, "You know what's going to happen and you know why. We have talked about this before, and you chose not to follow my instructions. Now, bring me the hairbrush and get over my knee."
The room is quiet and the ritual begins. The pants are lowered, the naughty one is bent over and the spanking commences, stroke after stroke on the raised bottom. Should there be any signs of resistance, the one in charge should have a number of solutions readily available so that there is no misunderstanding that this spanking will happen according to plan.The above is taken from: http://scony.com/styles-of-spanking.html
The above is taken from: http://scony.com/spanking-possibilities.html
spanking for very real offenses or role-play
privacy, serious atmosphere, serious spanking
forewarning, fearful anticipation
sent to a room to wait, corner time
having to ask for the spanking
being told to present the implement
scolding, explanation beforehand
addressing someone as "sir" or "ma'am" during this time
having pants removed or being told to remove them
being told to assume a position or being placed in position
cuddle time afterwards or isolation (e.g., being sent to bed)
closure and forgiveness
To me, this is all about therapy and healing. Discipline had been missing in my life as a child, and this is now a way to get it back. When I am being punished now as an adult, I tend to feel and/or see myself at a younger age, maybe 15 or so. It is like I go back to that time in the past to get the discipline and nurturing that I should have gotten. Though I can't say that I "enjoy" any of this, I do long for it. The scolding, corner time, restriction from privileages, and yes, spanking.
The feeling of being disciplined, contrite, nurtured, and loved is the end goal. Just like what a child receives from a parent.