Sunday, January 10, 2010

Is it sexual?

Of course it is!  To many people who enjoy giving or receiving a spanking, the pleasure often lies in the sexual overtones and/or the eventual act of intercourse.

Spanking is not always sexual though.  In fact for some people, myself included, sex is the furtherest thing from their mind.  I definitely recognize that I fall into the minority among the spanking community. From reading and talking with people, I find that the vast majority are involved in spanking because they enjoy the erotic aspects of spanking. Many of them have asked me to help them understand how it is that I do not view it as sexual. Sometimes I am sucessful in explaining my viewpoint but often I have not been- or maybe the person just didn't want to hear what I was saying.  I will give it a shot in the dark and see if I can help make sense of it here... 

I am into purely discipline spanking.  I like to be held accountable for my behavior, and when I have misbehaved it is comforting to know that I will be "brought to task".  Spanking for me is just one small piece of the puzzle- actually a very small piece.  You see, I hate being spanked.  I get absolutely no thrill or enjoyment out of having my bottom swatted over and over again, as I do not like being in pain.  There was a point that I was really confused about why it is that I consent to be spanked and why I craved it if I in fact hated it so much.  Here is what a good friend shared with me:
It isn't the spanking you crave, it's the discipline out of which the spanking is borne. The spanking is a necessary part of it, because without something you really hated to have to undergo, the discipline/punishment would be ineffective. But it's the fact that someone is disciplining you that pushes the "good" button, even though it involves spanking you. Not really so complicated. 
After reading this person's words, it started making more sense to me.  It is discipline that I crave, not spanking in and of itself.  Spanking is just one of many methods that can be used to administer discipline.  Other consequences can include, but are not limited to:  corner time, scolding, being sent to bed early, essays, writing lines, restriction from privileges, being grounded, extra chores, etc.

My mindset amidst all of this is extremely similar to that of a child when receiving parental discipline.  The child does not want to be punished, but when the parent deals with the unacceptable behavior, in the end he/she feels loved, cared for, and safe within the boundaries that have been upheld. 

Since my mind is viewing the spanker as somewhat of a parental authority figure, sex is completely out of the picture.  I cannot wrap my mind around erotic sexual fulfillment and parental discipline- if I did so it would seem like incest in my mind.  This is not necessarily "age play", but I must admit that sometimes when the spanking is happening I don't always feel my true age.  When I am being dealt with it is very therapeutic and healing for me.

This is not to say that I don't recognize that it could be sexual for me if it was in the right context and situation.  If I was with someone who I was in a romantic relationship with, I would definitely want to experiment with spanking in an erotic sense.  The difference would definitely be that the intensity level would be turned way down and it would be very light, maybe with a little sensual rubbing.  There would be no scolding or other disciplinary acts during this time.

These are my personal thoughts on the subject, and I hope that maybe I have enlightened some to a different take on spanking.  I'd love to hear your feedback on this one.



  1. Don't know how one can mix real discipline spankings with sexual/erotic spanking play. Can certainly enjoy both... but if there aren't very-very clear distinctions, the discipline part will be lost. So we totally agree with you about "purely discipline spanking." Think many others think the same too.

    As for hating the actual discipline spanking, that is the point... :) ... it has to be something you want to avoid getting. It is indeed the discipline that is craved... and *the relationship* that goes with it. Someone that is there, that cares and is watching... is willing to be firm in motivating you to do what needs to be done. It's that dynamic that is craved.

    Lovely post... and have really been enjoying your blog.

    ~Todd & Suzy

  2. Welcome to blogging! I hope you have an enjoyable and rewarding experience.

    And yes, of course it's sexual!


  3. I'm at the very beginning of my excursions to my spanking world. I didn't speak to many people about it so far. But one person probably knows more about my kink as I do. To this person I told once, I only like discipline scenarios, no erotic ones. But one time, she proved to me, this is not true.

    I learned for myself, this is true, when it comes to watch spanking movies. I want to see movies about discipline. If the spankee enjoys being spanked, I don't like the scene at all.

    For me, spanking is clearly part of my sexuality. A very important part too. Most of my sexual fantasies are about spankings. But they are not about erotic spanking at all! The aspect of breaking rules, getting caught and being punished is turning my on. And this is true for my top and bottom fantasies.

    I certainly don't seek, let's call it “normal vanilla sex”, with everyone, I enjoy to play spanking scenes. For me these are two totally different expressions of my sexuality. For both, there are people I can imagine to experience it and people I can't. And only if the person is part of both groups, erotic spankings are an option. Otherwise, this is an absolutely no go...

    I hope, this comment makes any sense. Otherwise I blame it to my English skills ;)