Thursday, April 29, 2010

Long Distance Disciplinarian

I have a long distance disciplinarian who has been working with me on real-life issues since this past December.  This type of relationship does not seem to be very common but it has been helpful for me.  Probably among the people that have this sort of relationship, each one is unique.  I am going to share a little about mine since it has been so good for me and maybe it will open a new avenue to consider for those who crave ongoing discipline.

It started with communication, which is soooo important.  I'd had scenes with this person before and enjoyed them because he was really able to get inside of my headspace.  I knew that I wanted something more along the lines of 24/7, but since I don't live in close proximity, I opted to pursue this.  We spoke over the phone about my request and exchanged some emails about what we each envisioned this type of relationship to be.  Limits, wants, needs, acceptable punishments, and life issues were discussed.  Then we agreed on a "plan" and began.

I am required to keep a behavior log where I record whether or not I have complied with the behaviors/rules that have been established.  Trust and honesty play a big factor in making this sort of thing successful, since he cannot see for himself whether I am obeying.  I email the behavior log to him each week, but if I have broken any rules I am required to let him know throughout the week so that a punishment can be decided upon.

The punishments that I have received vary according to the seriousness of the offense and whether I have been disciplined for that offense before.  I have been sent to the corner, scolded, assigned lines & essays, sent to bed early, made to report to work early, grounded, given extra exercise, self-spanking, and in person spanking when feasible. 

Originally I wasn't too sure that the self-spanking would work for me.  I had tried it before and found that I just couldn't spank myself very hard and it also just wasn't effective because nobody had scolded me.  I sort of reluctantly agreed to try it and I was fairly amazed at just how effective it was.  He had me turn on my webcam while he was on the phone.  I was scolded prior to the spanking, and then instructed to get into position (bending over the arm of the couch works well for me).  He tells me what implements to use and how long & hard to spank.  My webcam is positioned so that he can see me spanking myself so he is assured that I am using enough force.  Inflicting pain on myself takes obedience to a whole new level and having him scold me before, during, and after makes the punishment very real. 

In addition to the discipline, he also shows a real interest in my life and seeing me succeed.  It has that parental feeling that I have craved for so long.  There are always hugs and encouragement, even when I have messed up.  He's had plenty of opportunities to give up on me because I can be very stubborn and resistant at times, but he has persisted.  Of course this persistance on his part has meant that I've been subjected to some pretty tough discipline, but I know that it is what I need.


  1. Thank you Alicia for sharing an inside of your long distance disciplinarian relationship. Very interesting.

  2. I seem to find out more of you with each passing posting.
    I'm glad that you are being brought into line albeit long distance. You've found someone who can satisfy your needs which appears you so richly deserve.
    It is quite obvious you need to be disciplined and have found the person who can be compassionate but resolve in his attitude that when you require discipline he will mete it out. And only when you are deserving of it. And with your sometime attitude, you certainly deserve it.
    So keep posting

  3. I'm still waiting for my own disciplinarian and hoping and wishing for a chance at this. Your blog makes me more normal about this issue. Keep writing Ms. P. You do a great job. Unruly