Sunday, May 30, 2010

Bratting - Where is the line?

I just read a post that Craig Aych put on his blog, "Dark Musing", a couple days ago and it sparked some of my own thoughts.

Craig writes:
I hate bratting. I don't hate intelligent arguments, the egging-on of individuals, a good bit of passive/aggressive behavior in the name of fun, but I hate bratting. "What's the difference?" you whine, stamping a foot down like Clever Hans. The difference is very clear to me. Bratting is this whiny, childlike annoyance. I don't think it's very becoming on grown women. Further, I have had four children, now mostly grown up. Over the last 23 years I've heard plenty of whining. I don't want to pay to fly across the country to be with a bunch of adults to hear more childish, lip-pouting Peewee Herman screeches. Does that make me a bad person?  As stated above, I love good mental sparring, witty repartee and some good old fashioned verbal abuse, all in the name of a fun scene. Which is different than bratting. Make a mental note.  link to article
When I first came into the spanking community, I was strictly a bottom who had an intense craving for loving, caring, and strict discipline from a parental-type authority figure.  But I had one heck of a time developing a balance between Alicia the normal vanilla person and Alicia the bottom who wanted to misbehave to earn a spanking.

I would enter into a spanking chat room and brat relentlessly like there was no tomorrow.  But to give myself a little bit of credit, I did limit my bratting to just those tops who I was willing to consent and submit to.  I seemed to unconsciously attempt to hog the attention of certain individuals to goad them into scolding or spanking me, but what I didn't realize at the time was two-fold:

1)  Tops aren't always "on" - They don't always feel like being in their top mode all the time.  There are moments when they just want to hang out and observe the conversations and goings ons and just sit back and have a good time.

2)  Tops desire to top more than just one person - If I hog their attention then they are unable to give other bottoms a piece of their top side.  This was inconsiderate, even though I didn't mean for it to be.

Mind you, I didn't recognize these things until something like months after the fact and what really helped me to see it clearly was becoming a top myself.  I also have seen and experienced other bottoms doing similar things that I did, and have been asked questions by individuals intent on being able to discern for themselves what the appropriate balance and boundaries are to bratting.

A common statement that I hear from new bottoms is:  I want to do something to get into trouble, but I don't want to get in "real trouble" and have the Top mad at me.  I have made this statement on numerous occasions myself.  There are alot of bottoms who require a valid reason for a spanking and without one the spanking would mean nothing to them.  Many don't go for role play so they need to have some kind of avenue to create a reason to be punished.

I will attempt to explain and maybe it will help you understand...

Consider who the top is - What is their personality?  What are their likes & dislikes when it comes to scene related things?  If you cannot answer these questions, then I would advise to put a halt to your bratting and focus your attentions first on getting to know the top.  Engage in some conversation with him or her whether that be via phone, email, IM, or in-person.  Just as you would expect a top to know your limits physically, you need to get to know that top's bratting limits.

The majority of tops that I have bottomed to don't care all that much for bratting, just as Craig has written.  There are some who will tolerate it to various extents, but the key word here is "tolerate".  Do any of us really want to do something that causes another person to have to tolerate it, or do we want to relate in such a way that makes a scene pleasurable for both individuals?  So it will take some upfront communication for you to identify those who enjoy being bratted to.  I can assure you that they are out there, you'll just need to take the time to figure out which ones they are.

Is it age-play? - Take for instance whining, stomping feet, pouting, etc.  Are these behaviors that adults usually partake in, or is it more acceptable (or should I say expected) from a child?  Consensual adult discipline spanking is not age-play.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with age-play and it is often combined with spanking by those who enjoy it.  But the truth is that age-play is a whole separate fetish in and of itself and it is best that you talk with the person you are bottoming to in order to determine if this is a fetish of their's as well.

Personally, I enjoy age-play and can very easily regress in age when I'm being scolded and spanked.     But I try to be conscious of this fact and limit it when bottoming to someone who does not share this fetish.

Encourage the top to use safe words - Just like tops will say, they cannot read our minds when it comes to the physical side of spanking.  They encourage bottoms to use safe words if they need to have the intensity adjusted.  I take this one more step when I visit with those that bottom to me.  I let them know that if their bratting crosses the line with me I will use a safe word so that it catches their attention and lets them know that they've gone over the boundary and need to reel it in so that we can both enjoy the scene.  If there is no method in place to let a bottom know this then they will continue on, assuming that it doesn't bother you.  But by all means don't let these safe words replace the much needed communication before hand.  A top should communicate these boundaries to you in advance, and if they have not, then it becomes your responsibility to ask them.

Confess real-life misbehaviors - This is an option for those who don't mind baring their soul and being punished for real offenses they have committed.  This could be anywhere from minor things such as not eating your fruits and veggies,  clear up to being physically abusive to someone in your life, and beyond.  It takes a huge level of trust to cross over into the real-life issues, but for many people the rewards are well worth the risks.  But of course, this is not for everyone.

Do not brat to someone you are unwilling to give your consent to - This one is a biggie.  If you brat off to a Top that you are not going to allow to spank you it is sending them mixed signals.  It is like dangling a nice juicy steak in front of a dog but not allowing them to eat it.  Just don't do it.

General ideas when "bratting"- Never be rude.  Think of it more along the lines of playful teasing that you would engage in with anybody in your life.  Always be respectful.  Be yourself and don't try to force brattiness.  If you are naturally a more quiet, laid back person then go with it.  On the other hand, if you are normally outspoken and ornery, then do as you normally would in social situations in the vanilla world.  If you want to know how to let a top know that you'd like to be spanked and can only be spanked with good reason, then talk to them and see what would work best for the two of you.  No two tops are alike, and the key to having successful spanking scenes and ongoing relationships with the tops that you enjoy is COMMUNICATION.  Before, during, and after a scene, and It's worth saying again - Neither Tops or bottoms can read minds.

So I hope you've enjoyed reading my thoughts, opionions, and suggestions, and hopefully something I have said here will help you make more sense of this topic as it relates to you and your unique ways.  Bratting can be a very fine artform...do it well.  If anything helps please drop me a line because I'd love to hear about it.   :)

Have a good one,

~Alicia~

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Praise to a great photographer & artist

I recently did a trade shoot with a local photographer by the name of Ezhini.  He posted a casting call on Model Mayhem looking for a girl to model a vintage leather jacket and I responded with the hopes of using the images to develop my modeling portfolio.  He accepted and since I was driving from somewhat of a distance he offered to allow me to shoot a second theme if I desired.  I went out on a limb and brought up my desire to have images of myself as a "Top" so that I could promote myself as a professional disciplinarian (more on that in a later post).  Ezhini agreed to this and instructed me to bring anything at all that I thought I would need in order to make good images for this.

Ezhini did not know what all this spanking stuff entailed, so he sat down and talked with me about my interest in spanking and how a spanking session would actually go.  Although he would be termed a "vanilla" person, he took a real interest in this thing we do and made me feel extremely comfortable talking about it.

The end result was some absolutely fantastic images that really capture the emotions behind spanking, whether that be topping or bottoming.  Through our conversations he explained to me that his goal is to understand and capture the emotions so that it shows through in his photography.  I think he accomplished his goal during our photo shoot.  He really "got it"...he understood what spanking is all about to me and many others who are of the disciplinary bent.  And the funny part?  He didn't even get to his original purpose of the photo shoot (remember, lady in the leather jacket) because he became so engrossed in my spanking theme.  LOL!

I will definitely be shooting with him again sometime down the road and would absolutely recommend him to anyone looking to have photographs done in order to express a particular subject, fetish or otherwise.  Ezhini - art, design & photography is based in Wichita, Kansas and can be found on the web.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Audrey Knight's blog - Spanking 360

I have added a new blog link for Audrey Knight's blog that is titled, "Spanking 360".  She stared her blog right around the same time that I did.   Audrey is a very cute switch who produces spanking videos and offers professional disciplinarian sessions for those who desire them.  Her looks remind me a little of Bettie Page, and she has such an adorable accent.

Her and I have been in communication about the possibility of shooting together, and of course I would be more than thrilled to have the opportunity.  Check out her blog and follow her progress as she embarks on managing her own spanking video production company, Spanking 360!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Here comes Florida Moonshine!

I am all registered and have my plane ticket to attend the FMS Tropical Beach Party that is taking place here in just a couple of weeks.  I'm excited to be going because 1) I've never been to an FMS event, and 2) I've never been to Florida!

My flight gets in a little before noon on Thursday the 3rd, and then I fly back out on Monday evening.  I'm excited to meet everybody and make some connections.  Please introduce yourself if you see me around.  This is gonna be fun!!

btw, if there are any production companies that are looking to shoot during this event please contact me.  The best place to reach me is on FetlifeSpankolife, or Model Mayhem.  :)

Also, I had some new pics done just a few weeks ago and have started to receive the edited images back.  Here is one from the "vanilla" shoot.  The above picture was done by Ryte Image Photography.  I also did a spanko shoot to get images of me in my topping getup.  I can't wait to get them back so I can share those with you!

See you soon!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers out there.  I hope that your days are each filled with love, relaxation, and maybe even a bit of spanking.  :)

A special thank you to those who may not have children of their own, but who provide disciplinary guidance to those who are in need of the loving correction that you provide.  You fulfill alot of peoples' fantasies, desires, and needs!  There are so many of us out here that long for parental discipline and I am glad that there are individuals like you who are willing and able to provide it.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

New blog link added - Tasha Lee's Kinky Corner

I have recently come across the blog that Tasha Lee writes, called Tasha Lee's Kinky Corner.  I have enjoyed reading her posts and looking through the archives and thought you all might like it too. 

Tasha is the founder of Bum Rap Productions, a company that produces high quality spanking videos.  Along with her husband Yoni, they run a spanking club based in Chicago, Chicago Crimson Moon.

I am tenatively planning to go to the Summer Spanktacular Party that is scheduled for July 29 - 31st.  I look forward to meeting Tasha and all the other spankos that attend these events.  Hopefully I'll get to connect with some of you that are readers of my blog too! 

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Telling the "vanillas" in our lives

There are actually some people in my life who know about my spanking fetish.  Just a handful of people, and mainly they are friends of mine- those people who I include in my life by choice.  It seems much harder to tell family members about this interest.

I have gotten a range of reactions from those I have told.  One friend laughed hysterically at it.  She wasn't laughing at me or mocking me, but she truly found the scenario of me subjecting myself to being spanked funny.  I found it very easy to laugh right along with her because there are many times I find it funny myself.  I mean, why in the world would I actively seek out a spanking?  LOL!!!

Another found it a little odd, but when I described the reasons behind my craving discipline, she became understanding.  It made sense to her that I would long for something that I didn't get as a child and she totally agreed with me seeking it now as long as it was just a few times until that need was met.  In fact, I even thought I would just be spanked a few times and then be done with it.  Now, over a year later, my interest is just as strong and I continue to travel across the country to be spanked.  Unfortunately, this friend has slowly withdrawn from me over the months and now I don't hear from her much.

A girl that I work with knows and is very accepting of it.  She likes to hear all about my travels and video shoots.  In fact, she wanted to watch part of a vid and I agreed.  I do have to admit that I felt very awkward about having a vanilla friend watch me being spanked.

Back in September when I first got asked to be in a video I was so excited that I just had to tell somebody.  So I told grandma!  She is still the only family member who knows about my interest in spanking.  I think she understands a little bit due to the way I was raised, but she definitely supports my involvement in videos since she knows that I've wanted to perform almost all of my life.

The counselor that I used to see somehow goaded it out of me because I had no intention whatsoever of telling her.  Spanking is not an area of my life that I feel I need "helped" or "fixed".  But after I told her, she found one way or another to sneak it into a session and use it as a reason for why I was having trouble with other things in my life.

I opened up to someone that I went to church with and she totally was against it and saw it as nothing but sexual.  Regardless of how much I tried to explain it in different ways she never would open up her mind and really listen to what I was saying.  

The lady that I eat lunch with at work knows because I found it hard to hide from her the real reasons for all my trips and time off work.  She somewhat understands and asks about it from time to time.  But each and every time that I go she worries about me and tells me to "be careful!".

I am glad that there are people in my life that I can share this secret part of me with.  The vast majority of them have been accepting, even though they don't understand.  For just the two relationships that I have lost, I have gained many more good friends and people who will accept me for who I am.  I am grateful.