Sunday, May 2, 2010

Telling the "vanillas" in our lives

There are actually some people in my life who know about my spanking fetish.  Just a handful of people, and mainly they are friends of mine- those people who I include in my life by choice.  It seems much harder to tell family members about this interest.

I have gotten a range of reactions from those I have told.  One friend laughed hysterically at it.  She wasn't laughing at me or mocking me, but she truly found the scenario of me subjecting myself to being spanked funny.  I found it very easy to laugh right along with her because there are many times I find it funny myself.  I mean, why in the world would I actively seek out a spanking?  LOL!!!

Another found it a little odd, but when I described the reasons behind my craving discipline, she became understanding.  It made sense to her that I would long for something that I didn't get as a child and she totally agreed with me seeking it now as long as it was just a few times until that need was met.  In fact, I even thought I would just be spanked a few times and then be done with it.  Now, over a year later, my interest is just as strong and I continue to travel across the country to be spanked.  Unfortunately, this friend has slowly withdrawn from me over the months and now I don't hear from her much.

A girl that I work with knows and is very accepting of it.  She likes to hear all about my travels and video shoots.  In fact, she wanted to watch part of a vid and I agreed.  I do have to admit that I felt very awkward about having a vanilla friend watch me being spanked.

Back in September when I first got asked to be in a video I was so excited that I just had to tell somebody.  So I told grandma!  She is still the only family member who knows about my interest in spanking.  I think she understands a little bit due to the way I was raised, but she definitely supports my involvement in videos since she knows that I've wanted to perform almost all of my life.

The counselor that I used to see somehow goaded it out of me because I had no intention whatsoever of telling her.  Spanking is not an area of my life that I feel I need "helped" or "fixed".  But after I told her, she found one way or another to sneak it into a session and use it as a reason for why I was having trouble with other things in my life.

I opened up to someone that I went to church with and she totally was against it and saw it as nothing but sexual.  Regardless of how much I tried to explain it in different ways she never would open up her mind and really listen to what I was saying.  

The lady that I eat lunch with at work knows because I found it hard to hide from her the real reasons for all my trips and time off work.  She somewhat understands and asks about it from time to time.  But each and every time that I go she worries about me and tells me to "be careful!".

I am glad that there are people in my life that I can share this secret part of me with.  The vast majority of them have been accepting, even though they don't understand.  For just the two relationships that I have lost, I have gained many more good friends and people who will accept me for who I am.  I am grateful.


  1. I think I understand very well what you mean. I have a few good vanilla friends who know. Non of them know much details, because I don't want to bore them with it.

    The first two friends I told about 4 years ago. I think this was the first step for me accepting this side of me. Back then I was not ready to accept it myself though, but It felt very releasing telling somebody. These two friends were the first I ever spoke with about that matter.

    It was last summer when I was on a short vacation trip at the West Coast, when I told two other friends. One of them helped me already loosing a lot of weight during 2008. He was kind of a mentor (no he never had threaten to punish me, but he had other ways) for me. So after I told him and his friend about this, he simply asked: "So why don't you try to get in contact with like minded people and talk or possible do more then talk?". I just could not answer the question and I thought for me "Yes, why not?".

    When I returned from this trip, I joined Scony and started to comment on Spanking blogs and Message Boards. He helped me again....

    Just when I returned from my first Scony Mountain Weekend, I was so happy and I had friends visiting. I could not hide my happiness (why should I....), so I told one of them a little bit more than just "I met friends and we had a good time". I never had the chance to tell her the whole thing, but I will when I have a chance to do so.

    These all are good friends, I can not tell it to my family (yet). I'm still way to afraid of their reactions. All the friend I told were very understanding though, even though they don't understand. But all I expect from them is to listen to me and try to accept me who I am. And they all did. I think it's great, if you can share that also outside the spanking community.

  2. Like you Alicia, my friends are very accepting of me as their friend but just don't understand why I would want to engage in this particular behavior. They all look for ways to understand what they know about me and my childhood with why this is suddenly a big deal for me. Truth is it always has been but I just didn't share it with anyone except my therapist. My therapist gave me corner time and EBT (early bed time) but it was an issue of shame for me and I could share it with no one else. I thought I was the only one in the world who had these feelings. Sometimes I feel like a little girl inside and the safety and predicability of spanking and other disciplinary procedures brings some order into this crazy adult world I find myself in every hour of every day. I love it.

  3. I hear you Alicia. You're sort of in the closet. And coming out and confiding to a friend or family isn't easy.
    As a Top my problem is quite different than a bottoms. When I would meet someone new I would just playfully say that a naughty girl needs to be spanked and that's just what I'm going to do. Some of the responses were, no you're not buster or, see ya! Of which my reply would be, hey, just kidding can't you take a joke.
    I finally found someone whom I gave a playful spank to and she said HARDER! Well we found each other, and had our wants and needs satisfied. Until she bought a home in Vermont that is. The commuting was a bit too much and after awhile our relationship came to an end.
    And then I discovered Scony. And so here I am. Couldn't make it to the Poconos but I'll be at the party in the Village next week.
    I haven't seen the gang in awhile so it'll be nice to see them again.

  4. Alicia i think it is super cool that you felt comfortable enough to tell these friends. For me spanking is a big part of who I am. Being able to talk about that part of myself is really nice.