Sunday, August 29, 2010

Safewords during a punishment spanking

We all seem to come to a consensus when it comes to the use of safewords for non-disciplinary spankings. Generally everyone agrees that there should be safewords available for playful, sensual, and roleplay scenes, but when it comes to real-life punishment spankings there is a, for lack of a better word, 'debate' over whether it is acceptable to allow the bottom/spankee the use of safewords.

As most of you know, I have a disciplinarian who punishes me for real-life issues, and then as a professional Top, I frequently see people for real punishment issues.  Here is where I stand in this "great debate":

I believe in the availability of safewords at all times, and here is why.  When it comes to a true punishment spanking, there has to be trust with both the Top and bottom.  The Top must trust the bottom that a safeword will only be used if and only if the bottom is in some sort of danger, be it physical, mental, or emotional.  They have to know that the bottom will take the punishment seriously and not just safeword to get out of it if it hurts too much.

The bottom has to trust that the Top will not cause any lasting damage and that the Top has the best view of what is going on with the spankee's bottom.  Based upon what has been negotiated in the disciplinary relationship ahead of time, say that bruises are ok but broken skin is a hard limit.  The bottom must trust that the Top has the best view of their backside and he/she will stop or adjust if it becomes apparent that the skin is getting ready to break.  I don't believe that a hard-limit should ever be crossed, even for a punishment spanking.


  1. I agree with you Ms.Panettiere this is cool that your blogging about this we talked about this during our phone call :-) i trust you so i am not worried about my first punishment spanking from you i know i deserve it i am way over due for one,while i am over your knee i will be a brave young lady and i will take my spanking well,after all your my disciplinarian you know what's best your very intelligent,hugs from Jade

  2. I agree with you Ms. P. When I get a punishment spanking (I need one now very, very badly) I know I deserve it and I trust the spanker to give me what I need, esp. if I am being punished. I think in those cases the punishment is not nearly as effective if I can stop it when it hurts as it is if it hurts so badly it makes me not want to ever do it again. Then that's a spanking I won't soon forget. When it hurts so much it makes me cry, then I really know I have been punished. That is the best way to do it in my opinion. It's about the trust between the disciplinarian and the person being spanked and if you don't have that, I don't think you should allow that person to spank you at all. Lying across someone's lap with one's bare bottom exposed is a scary think in and of itself and I really need to be able to know that the person sapanking me know's what I need and will give me exactly that.

  3. Trust is the biggest issue associated with spanking. Use of safewords are there as a limit and should be used and respected by all concerned. You can always start over if needed.

  4. You forgot the only safe word used when making a spanking video - "cut"

  5. Alicia, I agree with you. Safe word should be available all the times. But if a spankee is serious about the real life punishment of course he/she should not misuse it.

    As you pointed it, it's part of the trust between top and bottom. Scenes either role plays, playful spankings or real disciplines get better as top and bottoms know each other better. And if there is a deep trust, scenes can release intense emotions.

    I don't understand why safe words should not be in affect. When a top don't trust his bottom not to misuse it in a real life punishment, he/her should probably not punish this bottom. And if a bottom tends to use safe words only for her/his comfort he/her should probably not do real discipline spankings either. That's my opinion.