Sunday, February 13, 2011


Me and Rapunzel in our matching pjs
When I began involvement in the spanking community over two years ago, I started to realize that when I got spanked I didn't really feel like my adult self but seemed to regress in age.  Usually I tried to hold this inside and not let my spanker know that I was feeling younger because it was a bit embarrassing to me.  Over time though, the Tops that spanked me realized that I seemed to go younger than my current age during a scene, so even though I tried to hide it, it became evident.

I suppose fear of rejection was my reason for attempting to hide my regression.  Heck, I already felt weird that I liked to be spanked, but this feeling younger stuff was completely abnormal in my mind or so I thought at the time.

However, one day I was looking through one of my friends Fetlife 'friends list' and found the profile page of Jenni Mack (JenniDoll on Fetlife).  I quickly became intrigued with her lifestyle being a live-in submissive to Miss Chris (Capercae), and having what she referred to as a 'little' where she'd play with toys and experience time feeling and acting like a little girl around the age of 8-10.  I learned the most about Jenni from reading her blog.

I eventually reached out to Jenni by PM'ing her, introduced myself and asked some questions of her.  She responded and was more than happy to answer my questions, and since that day we've become friends and met in person for the first time at the 2009 Shadow Lane party.  Jenni has really played a huge part in my discovery of the ageplay fetish- I'm glad that she had the courage to write about it in her blog.

Now as I read and explore online forums and discussion groups I see there are many different preferences and ways of experiencing ageplay, just like there are many forms and types of spanking.  There seems to be two clear different sides of it, sexual and non-sexual, and I like the way the Guardian Island website distinguishes between the two:  one section of the website being the GI Snuggery for those who need a totally non-sexual atmosphere, and the GI Kittery which is devoted to sexual adult ageplay.

For me, ageplay is totally non-sexual.  It is a chance for me to re-experience childhood and get things from my play partner that I missed out on when I was growing up, such as discipline, parental affection, affirmation, and nurturing.  It is a healing experience for me and also at times an escape from the adult world.  Sometimes when I get sad or upset about the cares of my adult life, I will allow myself some time to play with my little girl toys and it works as sort of a de-stressor. 

When I'm functioning in my little girl headspace, I seem to act around 8-ish I guess, though it is difficult to assign a definite age to it.  I like to color, play with legos, My Little Ponies, dolls, and watch kids' movies.  My very very favorite movie is Disney's "Tangled"- I saw it in the movie theaters twice already and can't wait to get it when it comes out on DVD March 29th.  I like to be held, hugged, have my hair brushed, and to snuggle.  I also like to tease, but that almost always gets me in trouble and I get spanked.  :)

I like to dress the part as much as I can.  I typically will put my hair in pig tails or two braids, and I currently have some pjs that work well such as the ones pictured above and I also have some footed pjs with a drop seat.  It is been difficult for me to find daytime clothes and dresses suitable for this because they either aren't big enough for me or aren't "little girl looking" enough.  I've noticed that alot of childrens' clothes these days are made to emulate adult clothes...whatever happened to the frilly, cutesy girls clothes of years ago.  I found a website that sells adult sissy & ageplay clothes that are custom made to fit your particular size and they are reasonably priced, so I ordered two dresses and can't wait to get them.  For anyone interested, the website is:

The relationship dynamics that I like best with ageplay are Father/daughter & Mother/daughter but I also have an interest in Teacher/student.  I do like to do spanking scenes that are ageplay, but even more I like to experience it 24/7 where spanking is just one aspect of it.  I like to be able to do ageplay even outside of a short spanking scene and have been lucky to find a couple play partners who also enjoy the non-sexual ageplay as much as I do.

Ageplay combines really well with spanking and these two fetishes of mine complement each other very well.  Making this self discovery also is making it easier for me to understand why I can enjoy both Topping and bottoming in the spanking scene.  I can now identify that when I am functioning as my adult self I will Top.  But when I bottom I am only functioning in the age regression or ageplay headspace.  I suppose this is why I am not able to bottom to a whole lot of different people in my personal life because I like to make sure that they are comfortable with me regressing in age.  My potential play partners have been limited because there seems to be a smaller sect of spankos that enjoy and are comfortable with ageplay.  It takes a special level of trust.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I've been hiding

I feel like I'm sorta following in the steps of Sophie Gray with this posting.  I've been taking a break from blogging and shooting for awhile and like Sophie, am now trying to get back into the swing of things.  After coming home from my trip to NYC & Los Angeles the first half of January, I began a job search and subsequently acquired outside employment.  I've been back to the grind now for a little over 3 weeks and it's been quite an adjustment period, but I seem to be settling into my new schedule now.

Over the past several months I've been discovering that I have another major kink in addition to spanking, and that is Ageplay.  I suppose I've been somewhat debating with myself whether to bring ageplay topics into my blog or not, but I think I will because I'm learning that it is such a big part of who I am.  So you will be seeing some ageplay themed topics and experiences in my blogging future.  There are so many different aspects to this kink and people experience it in so many different ways, so in the near future I will do an entry on what it means to me, what age I seem to settle into, and other tidbits.

To the right is a pic of me in my new St. Margaret's Academy school jumper that I bought.  I've decided for the April Scony Spanking Weekend in the Mountains, that I'll primarily be bottoming, which is a change from what I've been doing for over a year now.  The reason being is that I've been so focused on the professional side of the spanking kink (Topping & videos), that my bottom side is feeling quite neglected.  So since I feel so "at home" during the Mountain Weekend, it is the perfect time to let the little girl bottom in me out for some nurturing and *cough*discipline*cough*.