|From the video "Church Discipline"|
Although the pastor's wife was the primary focus of my fantasy (I mean after all she threatened it!), it still encompassed the pastor as well. I have a strong propensity for wanting a Mother & Father figure to discipline me and care for me. I've frequently fantasized of him telling me to bend over a bed and paddling me.
They frequently talked about child rearing in the sermons, with the whole spare the rod hate the child thing. I always bought the audio tape of sermons where any sort of correction and discipline was mentioned and I would go listen to those parts of them over and over again. In fact I still have alot of those cassette tapes to this day.
There was even one sermon where I got publicly corrected. I wasn't paying attention, was doodling on my notepad, and just generally trying to get negative attention (I liked doing those sorts of things, because it usually meant that I would get scolded in some fashion). All of a sudden, there was a sharp 'thump' on my leg, which startled me. I looked up to see the pastor standing there, with the microphone in his hand, and then he said, "If I were you I would be paying attention!". Right there in front of everybody. Oh my gosh I was soooo embarrassed, but yet in a weird way fulfilled at the same time. All I could do was look down and cry, throughout the rest of the sermon. I was like 'finger spanked' on my leg by the pastor. AND scolded. I was kind of in heaven for months after that...replaying it over in my head, re-reading my journal entry where I recounted all the minut details, and of course fantasized about him actually spanking me after church.
The temptation is definitely strong to approach her and confess my involvement in spanking and ask her if she would follow through with that threat. That would be soooo amazing if she actually did! In my mind I've pictured myself asking her, and her taking my hand in her's and leading me off to correct me. I wonder if it could ever be a reality?
Funny how just a chance meeting and a very short conversation with the pastor had the power to ignite such a strong craving in me for this fantasy to be fulfilled. It was the first time that I've seen either of them since I became involved in the spanking community over 3 years ago, so I guess it makes sense how it could have that strong of an effect. Who knows, maybe some day. I certainly wouldn't be opposed to telling them what I do today, although I'd be REALLY nervous. But I've evolved so much in this that I'm comfortable in who I am and know it is just a part of me. I'm not ashamed of it but at the same time I realize that it is not universally accepted by a long stretch.
Wow this has been quite the late night (early morning) rambling. Time for bed now! Nitey nite.