Thursday, September 15, 2011

Fantasy reignited

So a couple weeks ago, I ran into the pastor of the church I used to attend.  The husband of the lady who threatened to spank me when I was a rather sassy and rebellious 19 year old .  His wife wasn't with him though, but nevertheless my mind went to that fantasy that I've had of her taking me into her office, putting me over her knee, and giving me a sound spanking for my attitude.

From the video "Church Discipline"
Sarah Gregory and I did a video awhile back in which we played out the fantasy I had, except Sarah took on my role and I played the part of the pastor's wife.  Having the opportunity to act out a fantasy of mine was very liberating, even if it was sort of a role reversal.  This video will probably always remain among my favorite videos to have made because of the special connection that I have to the scenario.

"Church Discipline"
Sarah did a wonderful job of portraying "me" in the video because her attitude came out very similar to the way mine did back when.  Then towards the end of the spanking she cried real tears, not from the pain but from the emotional aspects of the spanking and primarily the love that was shown.  I remember always craving the love and affection from my pastors, in addition to the discipline.  Well after all, discipline IS a show of love & affection, maybe just not the type of affection that we want.  It is referred to as "tough love".

Although the pastor's wife was the primary focus of my fantasy (I mean after all she threatened it!), it still encompassed the pastor as well.  I have a strong propensity for wanting a Mother & Father figure to discipline me and care for me.  I've frequently fantasized of him telling me to bend over a bed and paddling me.

They frequently talked about child rearing in the sermons, with the whole spare the rod hate the child thing.  I always bought the audio tape of sermons where any sort of correction and discipline was mentioned and I would go listen to those parts of them over and over again.  In fact I still have alot of those cassette tapes to this day.

There was even one sermon where I got publicly corrected.  I wasn't paying attention, was doodling on my notepad, and just generally trying to get negative attention (I liked doing those sorts of things, because it usually meant that I would get scolded in some fashion).  All of a sudden, there was a sharp 'thump' on my leg, which startled me.  I looked up to see the pastor standing there, with the microphone in his hand, and then he said, "If I were you I would be paying attention!".  Right there in front of everybody.  Oh my gosh I was soooo embarrassed, but yet in a weird way fulfilled at the same time.  All I could do was look down and cry, throughout the rest of the sermon.  I was like 'finger spanked' on my leg by the pastor.  AND scolded.  I was kind of in heaven for months after that...replaying it over in my head, re-reading my journal entry where I recounted all the minut details, and of course fantasized about him actually spanking me after church.  

The temptation is definitely strong to approach her and confess my involvement in spanking and ask her if she would follow through with that threat.  That would be soooo amazing if she actually did!  In my mind I've pictured myself asking her, and her taking my hand in her's and leading me off to correct me.  I wonder if it could ever be a reality?

Funny how just a chance meeting and a very short conversation with the pastor had the power to ignite such a strong craving in me for this fantasy to be fulfilled.  It was the first time that I've seen either of them since I became involved in the spanking community over 3 years ago, so I guess it makes sense how it could have that strong of an effect.  Who knows, maybe some day.  I certainly wouldn't be opposed to telling them what I do today, although I'd be REALLY nervous.  But I've evolved so much in this that I'm comfortable in who I am and know it is just a part of me.  I'm not ashamed of it but at the same time I realize that it is not universally accepted by a long stretch.

Wow this has been quite the late night (early morning) rambling.  Time for bed now!  Nitey nite.

7 comments:

  1. Terrific post Alicia. Have a safe trip to NY next week.
    joey

    ReplyDelete
  2. Excellent and interesting post!!

    Bob.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow. Very amazing. Thanks for sharing this. Hope you get your fantasy fulfilled in some way.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You never know how someone will react, but I agree that it certainly isn't universally accepted. Funny how these things have a way of replaying in our minds years and years after the fact.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Alicia i am a member of Sarahs site ,nice with plenty of girl girl spankings ,love and spanks ,tim xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Alicia,

    Were you ever actually spanked as a child? Often, churchgoing parents are very strict disciplinarians.
    What do you remember about it?

    ReplyDelete
  7. @Cinnd - No, I was never spanked as a child. Plus my parents never went to church with me so I went by myself and kinda latched onto the pastor's wife because it seemed she had something that I never got growing up.

    ReplyDelete