Sunday, January 15, 2012


So it's been over 3 months since my last blog post.  I haven't been on Fetlife much either, nor on Twitter.  As you may remember, I began hunting for a full-time job back in June.  Well it took awhile because the job market is pretty tough right now as per all the news shows about folks not finding employment and losing their homes.  I was not any different, as by the time I found a job in October, my house had started going into foreclosure and I was barely (by the skin of my teeth) able to save it.  It has been quite stressful starting a new job under these circumstances, but I'm finally getting on solid ground again.

When I set out to find a job, I was looking for just that...a job.  But what I got was a career instead.  I was looking for something to do with web design, but in addition to that, I got into application development, which is a whole lot more in depth and challenging than web design.  So I've been busy learning and becoming proficient at some computer programming languages.  I am so grateful to have the opportunity that I have with this.  With no college degree, I was able to step into something like this, with time to teach myself a new skill set.  For the first couple of months on the job I was questioning whether I'd be able to handle it and fears of getting fired were at the forefront of my mind.  But now I'm becoming more confident in my newfound abilities and finding that I do in fact have an aptitude for it.  And yes, that is right...I am an IT nerd.  LOL

As for the traveling, I won't get vacation time until I've been on the job for 6 months.  That is torture for me I tell you!  So I'm looking at late April/early May before I can really get out of Kansas for any significant amount of time.  I don't have any plans as of yet, though I'd really like to attend the Chicago Ageplayers Convention (CAPCon).  I've never been to any Ageplay events and my Daddy and I would like to go, so I'll see if I can make it work.

The videos have kind of come to a standstill.  About a month or so ago, the payment processor that I was using for my website revoked my account because of the "sexually oriented" material.  Alot of us in the spanking world use this particular payment processor, for videos, sessions, and convention registrations.  When they shut me down, they cancelled both my business & personal accounts, which I believe was lowballing because I've never used my personal account for any scene related stuff.  So anyways, now I am limited to just Clips4Sale, which takes a huge percentage of the sales proceeds.  So much so that with just that avenue, I will not be making enough to even recover the production expenses and make producing videos worth my while.  At least based upon my current & historical sales records.  Unfortunately, as nice as it is to receive good feedback from those who enjoy my videos, I cannot continue to produce them on feedback alone.  I need to be able to see a little bit of a return on my investment.  I know there are tons of people who enjoy my videos, but in order to continue with this I'll need to have people put their money where their mouth is, so to speak.  If my sales where to match up to the amount of good feedback that I receive, I'd be able to continue.  I've got some footage 'in the can' so to speak, of the video I shot with Kat St. James but I haven't begun to edit it yet.

I'm unsure of whether I will continue to accept sessions.  Right now I'm limited to just the weekends.  But frankly, of the number of people that apply for a session, only about 10% (or less) actually pan out.  There is alot of sorting through applicants, determining which ones are serious and which ones simply want to get their rocks off by communicating and talking about a possible session, with no intent to actually follow through.  Like alot of other things in life, the ones that screw it up end up adversely affecting those who are sincere and well-meaning.  I've had some wonderful sessions with most all those who show up for their appointments.  But I'm starting to wonder if it is worth sifting through all the other trash to find the diamonds in the rough.  It is to be determined whether I will continue with the sessions.

So, on the whole, my life has switched back to being mostly vanilla.  It is wonderful to be getting back on my feet and starting to enjoy my new career.  Time will tell whether I choose to transition out of the professional side of the scene for good and revert back to being a participant only.  I think ultimately it can be summed up as BURNT OUT.  I do miss the times of traveling and meeting people, spending time with those friends that I've made in the scene.  Time will tell.