A recent event got me to thinking on the term 'Drama' again. I'm not going to beat around the bush because there are quite a few of us folks who know what's gone on. The Hitler video that I heard about being shown at Boardwalk Badness. During this video apparently there was a comment made about SCONY allowing Hitler to attend an event if he wanted to, and Hitler saying "Fuck SCONY". Talk of this video has been going around our community like wildfire.
What is my stance on the video? And SSNY and SCONY? That is not what this entry is about. But since you asked... I would be against a video like that regardless of who produced it and aired it. But with the rift that I know has been present between the two groups, it makes it even more inappropriate. Will I stop going to SSNY because of it? No. Do I still go to SCONY? Haven't been in awhile, and matter of fact I had some hurt feelings for awhile (combined with my inability to travel), but have been missing the Mountain Weekends and will make it a goal to get to one again in the near future. Bottom line is that I refuse to take sides. But I WILL call it what I see it...and going by the description that I hear, that video was definitely uncalled for and out of line.
Getting back to the reason of the post...'Drama' might be better identified as 'conflict'. And while we are still human and operating out of human nature, there will be conflict. I wish with all my might that there wasn't conflict, pain, and hurt in this world, as do most everybody else. But the only place that we'll really be devoid of all that is in the afterlife.
There may be times where 'Drama' in it's truest sense actually does exist. In my eyes that would mean someone lashing out is totally unfounded...there are no past or present hurts real or otherwise, and absolutely no explanation as to why it is happening. Now there is no excuse for something like that. But I believe that 99% of the time what people are terming as 'Drama' is actually real pain, real hurt, real conflict that is being acted upon. It may not be the best way to handle it, may be totally wrong, hateful, and vengeful. But there is a reason for it. While I'm here, let me just clarify that the situation I talked about above does not fall into the unfounded category. There is history and hurts on both sides of the coin.
To answer the question I posed. No, I don't think it is possible to never have any 'Drama' in the spanking scene. After all, we are still human beings whether we are in our day-to-day vanilla lives or attempting to live out our fantasies. In my opinion it is unrealistic to think that no hurts will occur among individuals who come from various backgrounds, carrying various baggage, just because we are trying to get our spanking needs met.
I believe we all have participated in this (wrongly termed) 'Drama' at one time or another:
- Feeling hurt at what someone has said or done
- Talking about what somebody did to you or another person
- Lashing out verbally
- Giving the cold-shoulder
- Attempting revenge in some form or fashion
- Lying about a person or event
- Encouraging people to take your side
- Breaking a confidence
- etc., etc., etc....
I certainly haven't been exempt from participating in 'Drama' and I can't think of even ONE person that I know that is exempt either! At one time or another, all ya'll have been involved in some sort of drama.
Lemme get real for a second. Lawd knows I've experienced quite the spectrum of 'Drama' in the spanking scene. I've been hurt, perceived hurt, and had confidences broke (even by a very close friend), I've talked about what someone did to me and I've talked about other people. I've certainly lashed out verbally and given the cold shoulder. Have I attempted revenge? Yes, even that. And I have tried to get people on my side. I'm imperfect, but striving to be the best possible person that I can be. Now let me ask you, my readers to do an honest self-evaluation. Have you fallen into any of these categories ever?
This thing that we do is intimate and I don't mean necessarily in a sexual way, what I mean is emotionally intimate. Especially when you have ongoing play partners...you end up baring parts of your soul to them that likely no one else in the world knows. When something is intimate your feelings are tied up in it and more prone to being hurt. The only way to avoid getting hurt is to be entirely emotionally closed off...but what kind of scene would that make for? Definitely not the type of scene that I've ever fantasized about.
Can't we just all get along???? The blunt answer to that is No, unfortunately. Not everyone gets along in the vanilla world, so why should we expect the fetish world to be any different? I WISH we could all get along though. :( People should absolutely not be hateful and do hurtful things. But it is in some people's nature to act that way. It makes me angry that people are like that, but that is out of our control as individuals.
My hope is simply that we would all stop overusing the word 'Drama'...
And find someway within ourselves, with the help of loved ones, or Divine intervention, to heal from hurt, move forward, and learn to deal healthily with conflict. Cause I guarantee that we'll all encounter it at least once during our comings and goings in the scene. I sure as hell hate conflict though, and don't deal well with it personally. It is much easier said than done!
It feels like this entry is a little scattered. But I had some thoughts that I felt like getting out, so there you have it. Spank on.