Sunday, May 13, 2012

No it possible?

I hate 'Drama'.  I even hate the word that people have assigned to it.  Calling it drama has the connotation that it is something that is made up or just started to cause a stir and draw attention to yourself.  But truth of the matter is, HURT is at the forefront.  Whether real or perceived, someone feels hurt and is trying to deal with it in their own way whether that be good or bad.

A recent event got me to thinking on the term 'Drama' again.  I'm not going to beat around the bush because there are quite a few of us folks who know what's gone on.  The Hitler video that I heard about being shown at Boardwalk Badness.  During this video apparently there was a comment made about SCONY allowing Hitler to attend an event if he wanted to, and Hitler saying "Fuck SCONY".  Talk of this video has been going around our community like wildfire. 

What is my stance on the video?  And SSNY and SCONY?  That is not what this entry is about.  But since you asked... I would be against a video like that regardless of who produced it and aired it.  But with the rift that I know has been present between the two groups, it makes it even more inappropriate.  Will I stop going to SSNY because of it?  No.  Do I still go to SCONY?  Haven't been in awhile, and matter of fact I had some hurt feelings for awhile (combined with my inability to travel), but have been missing the Mountain Weekends and will make it a goal to get to one again in the near future.  Bottom line is that I refuse to take sides.  But I WILL call it what I see it...and going by the description that I hear, that video was definitely uncalled for and out of line.

Getting back to the reason of the post...'Drama' might be better identified as 'conflict'.  And while we are still human and operating out of human nature, there will be conflict.  I wish with all my might that there wasn't conflict, pain, and hurt in this world, as do most everybody else.  But the only place that we'll really be devoid of all that is in the afterlife.

There may be times where 'Drama' in it's truest sense actually does exist.  In my eyes that would mean someone lashing out is totally unfounded...there are no past or present hurts real or otherwise, and absolutely no explanation as to why it is happening.  Now there is no excuse for something like that.  But I believe that 99% of the time what people are terming as 'Drama' is actually real pain, real hurt, real conflict that is being acted upon.  It may not be the best way to handle it, may be totally wrong, hateful, and vengeful.  But there is a reason for it.  While I'm here, let me just clarify that the situation I talked about above does not fall into the unfounded category.  There is history and hurts on both sides of the coin. 

To answer the question I posed.  No, I don't think it is possible to never have any 'Drama' in the spanking scene.  After all, we are still human beings whether we are in our day-to-day vanilla lives or attempting to live out our fantasies.  In my opinion it is unrealistic to think that no hurts will occur among individuals who come from various backgrounds, carrying various baggage, just because we are trying to get our spanking needs met.  

I believe we all have participated in this (wrongly termed) 'Drama' at one time or another:
  • Feeling hurt at what someone has said or done
  • Talking about what somebody did to you or another person
  • Lashing out verbally
  • Giving the cold-shoulder
  • Attempting revenge in some form or fashion
  • Lying about a person or event
  • Encouraging people to take your side
  • Breaking a confidence
  • etc., etc., etc....
I certainly haven't been exempt from participating in 'Drama' and I can't think of even ONE person that I know that is exempt either!  At one time or another, all ya'll have been involved in some sort of drama. 

Lemme get real for a second.  Lawd knows I've experienced quite the spectrum of 'Drama' in the spanking scene.  I've been hurt, perceived hurt, and had confidences broke (even by a very close friend), I've talked about what someone did to me and I've talked about other people.  I've certainly lashed out verbally and given the cold shoulder.  Have I attempted revenge?  Yes, even that.  And I have tried to get people on my side.  I'm imperfect, but striving to be the best possible person that I can be.  Now let me ask you, my readers to do an honest self-evaluation.  Have you fallen into any of these categories ever?  

This thing that we do is intimate and I don't mean necessarily in a sexual way, what I mean is emotionally intimate.  Especially when you have ongoing play end up baring parts of your soul to them that likely no one else in the world knows.  When something is intimate your feelings are tied up in it and more prone to being hurt.  The only way to avoid getting hurt is to be entirely emotionally closed off...but what kind of scene would that make for?  Definitely not the type of scene that I've ever fantasized about.

Can't we just all get along????  The blunt answer to that is No, unfortunately.  Not everyone gets along in the vanilla world, so why should we expect the fetish world to be any different?  I WISH we could all get along though.  :(  People should absolutely not be hateful and do hurtful things.  But it is in some people's nature to act that way.  It makes me angry that people are like that, but that is out of our control as individuals.  

My hope is simply that we would all stop overusing the word 'Drama'...

And find someway within ourselves, with the help of loved ones, or Divine intervention, to heal from hurt, move forward, and learn to deal healthily with conflict.  Cause I guarantee that we'll all encounter it at least once during our comings and goings in the scene.  I sure as hell hate conflict though, and don't deal well with it personally.  It is much easier said than done!

It feels like this entry is a little scattered.  But I had some thoughts that I felt like getting out, so there you have it.  Spank on.


  1. I agree that the term "drama" is overused. Every time I look at someone's online profile and it starts with a blurb about "I don't like drama," I just roll my eyes. And funnily enough, I've noticed that those who are quick to say that tend to be involved in most of it.

    I don't believe anyone is exempt from getting involved in it one way or another. I've done all the things you listed at some point. Though I don't like conflict and am more likely to hold a grudge and keep it all to myself, which isn't a good trait either.

    What we do does put us in a vulnerable state, opening up to people like that. And that does put us at risk of getting hurt. I suppose all one can hope is that they've surrounded themselves with trustworthy people and aim to be one as well. And if a situation does arise, to communicate as directly and respectfully as possible. Great post. And I do hope to see you at a weekend again sometime!

    1. Yes, I definitely agree that a good number of the people who are quick to call 'Drama' on something or say that hate it are usually the ones most involved in it. Just the way it appears. Thanks for stopping by Lea and hope to see you soon.

  2. Alicia,

    I want to compliment you for this exceptionally well thought out and well written post. I really liked the way you finished your post and your hope that we are able to "heal from hurt, move forward and learn to deal healthily with conflict." Amen to that statement.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Spank on.


    1. Thanks Joey! I wasn't sure whether to really post it or not for fear of stepping on toes. But it is my thoughts and that's what blogging is really all about, huh?

  3. Thanks, Alicia. Your post seems to put things into perspective. I told Joey that I should print and frame it to read often, especially when the conflict gets close and personal as it is now.

    We met at your last Mountain Weekend - my first - and I hope to see you at one again!

  4. I'm glad it helped, Marne. And I'm sure I'll see you again sometime. :)