Monday, May 28, 2012

Self-discipline & spanking

I wonder from time to time about real discipline spanking and self-discipline, and I sometimes question whether relying on somebody else to discipline me will cause my own self-regulation and self-discipline to become weak.  Looking back on some of the real discipline that I've had since my involvement in the adult community, I think there may be some times where I did become weaker than I was at self-discipline.  And I think at times discipline spanking has in fact worked against me instead of helped me.  Yet other times when it does work.

For instance, lately I've had an issue with going to the casino to much and spending to much money.  I confessed to my Daddy that I'd continuously been going against my own conscience when it comes to this, and after my most recent little bing he put me on restriction from going at all.  No idea how long I'll be restricted because he just told me, "Until further notice".  I hate that phrase by the way.  I don't like not having all the details and knowing exactly how long I'll be under this discipline.  It is torture, I tell you.

He did give me permission to go this weekend to a special occasion.  My grandma had invited me to go with her to a special banquet dinner at one of the casinos.  I asked for his permission and had to tell him how much I planned to spend.  I told him that I didn't have the free cash to spend right now since I'm saving up for a deposit on my new rental house, so I'd put in $1.00 just so I could get access to the free money they gave to me.  So he granted me permission.  When I went, however, I had to withdraw money from the ATM, and everybody knows you can't just take out $1.00, it makes you take a minium of $20.  You can see where this is headed, right?

So after I spent $20 in the slots there was still some time before grandma and I had planned to meet up.  I was sooooo tempted to go take out another 20, but thoughts of my Daddy being disappointed in me and the punishment that would sure to follow encouraged me to just hold tight.  I was so proud of myself for resisting the urge.  You see I'm one who seems to have the propensity to become addicted to this, so having my Daddy's accountability seemed to have helped.

Well I talked to Daddy on the phone the next day and was excited to tell him that I resisted the urge to draw out another $20, but he didn't follow in my excitement.  Instead, he scolded me for spending the entire $20 when I had told him I was only gonna put a $1.00 in.  He told me that we'll deal with it later.  I hate having to wait for punishment...it is the worst!  I try to get him to tell me when I'll be punished or how I will be punished, but that just makes it worse for myself because I get more scolding and get told that HE will decide what my punishment will be and when I will receive it.

Anyways, kinda got off track a little bit from the topic.  I guess I say all that to say that I don't really know where I stand with the self-discipline vs. someone else disciplining you idea.  There are times when it works for me and other times when it doesn't.  It's a situation by situation kinda thing.  Oh, and I'll be sure to tell you what sort of punishment I do get when I finally end up getting it.

4 comments:

  1. Alicia,

    I need both. Sometimes self-discipline works well, but sometimes I do need help.

    I hate to wait to be punished as well.

    Keep us posted.

    Hug,
    joey

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  2. Interesting topic to think about. I think if someone truly had NO self-discipline, then getting disciplined by someone else wouldn't work at all. So much of the work IS on the one being disciplined to make the positive changes with whatever behavior is being corrected. If unwilling to do that, why bother? That's my two cents.

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  3. You have a great site and I hope to meet up with you to receive a spanking in the near future. I was just wondering what you think of normal parental spanking. It seems from what you said that you feel your parents should have used it with you. When/If you have children do you think you would use spanking or do you think your interest in the subject would make you not want to.

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  4. @anonymous - nearly all of my spanking fantasies revolve around parental, or some other authority figure discipline. Its not always spanking... could be scolding only, grounding, corner time, time out, etc. Since this is an over-18 blog, I don't want to bring the topic of minor children into it though. Sorry. :)

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