Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Tears

From my beginning fantasies about spanking, I always wanted to cry.  Imaging scenes taking place would always have me crying pretty easily, but having it happen in real-life scenes proved to be pretty illusive.  I'd pictured crying for the first time in a scene with a parental-figure Top, but when my tear wells actually broke, I was being dealt with by someone who was actually younger than myself.  The tears certainly came as a shock to me.

I don't know what I envisioned would bring about tears.  I suppose I thought it would be from the physical pain of it, or maybe from the loving care & concern of a parental-figure type.  But what I was to find out is that rarely ever do I...or anyone else... cry because of the pain only.

My first ever crying scene was with Anachronist, who is 7 years younger than me.  Bottoming to someone younger than you can be a whole 'nother topic someday, but I won't get into that now.  We were at a small house gathering and people were taking turns going downstairs to have private spanking scenes.  My turn came when Anachronist grabbed me and led me down the stairs.  He started out scolding me for not calling him to let him know that hotel check-out time was sooner than planned and I shouldn't have been hanging out by myself.  Then it progressed into being dealt with about my social skills...and this is what really got inside my head.  I've always felt insecure about myself when it comes to mingling and interacting with people I don't know very well.  I don't want to say or do stuff that is stupid or not funny, and I never can think of witty things to say, so I usually just remain quiet and a 'listener'.  He said that can sometimes be interpreted as stuck up and not wanting anything to do with the people and he urged me to get out of my comfort zone and interact with people more.  People thinking that I'm a snob is the last thing that I want, and this really struck me to the core on an emotional level.  If I remember right, I think I was crying before he ever even laid a hand on me.  Afterwards I felt really good, refreshed, and cleansed.  The crying definitely caught me off guard, but it was a great experience.  Anachronist is a very good Top and great with his verbal skills which is what attracted me to bottom to him in the first place.

So after this experience I learned that simply the scolding can make me cry.  I've had many experiences since then of crying during a scene.  Seems like it just took one crying experience and then it became easier for me to open up and let down the barriers that had been blocking me from allowing myself that experience.  It is this weird thing that though I wanted to cry many times before that time, I could feel myself resisting tears.  I was working against myself, very odd, but I think we all do this from time to time.

Some examples of other times I've cried:  The Top had me over his knee, and the words he was speaking to me had me in a mental place that the spanking was going to be very bad, and I cried just from the fear/anticipation.  Once I was being spanked for losing my temper and cussing out a store clerk and I cried because once again the reason I was being punished hit home and the scolding cut like a knife.  There are also times when just a word or sentence being spoken by the Top has made me cry, such as:  "You may be a spanking model and in videos, but I know you are still a little girl who needs to be dealt with."  That one really got to me.  Sometimes I've also cried because of the aftercare.  I like to be held and hugged and that can be a trigger for me as well.

I have cried only once because of the pain, and that was when I shot a video with Kelly Payne.  She used a ton of implements on me including this really thin almost rubber strap thingy and she spanks very hard with no mercy.  I cried not because of anything emotional but simply because of the pain and I suppose feeling helpless to stop it (though I could have actually safeworded).  So maybe it was partially mental.

I have a number of clients that come to me for a spanking session who desire to be spanked till they cry.  I always tell them that there are many factors that come into play in order for a person to cry, and rarely ever does it happen because of pain alone.  The whole pain thing is a misconception that alot of people have I believe.  The biggest thing is you have to allow yourself to cry and don't resist it when you can feel the tears welling up on the inside.  

4 comments:

  1. Wow. Amazing writing. It's absolutely true that tears come far more from the mental stimulation than any amount of physical variety. Thanks for sharing these experiences.

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  2. Dear Alicia,
    both partys must make themselfs emotional avalible, , some have to defeat there ego first and some have to accept guilt to get to that point. and some know what it takes for those tears to role but would bite there own taunge off befor they tell the spanker. then you have to get past the sexuality of the spanking for those who have the fetish and the desirer to cry from it its a mix of those and the tops ability to word things just rigt and trick them in to letting there gaurd down, not an easy task

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  3. Alicia,

    Very well said and I agree with everything in your post. I have never cried in a scene because of a scolding, but I have had tears well up in my eyes a few times from the pain of a very hard beating. To really cry would require that the top get into my head space.

    Again, thank you for a very insightful post.

    Hug,
    joey

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  4. Great post. I too used to imagine that I might cry easily when being spanked. But when it actually happened, I didn't. To this day I can count on one hand the times I've cried during a spanking, but I remember each of them vividly. For me, it definitely comes from the top getting in my head and my emotional state. As you state, I also have to be open to letting it happen. Sometimes I feel defiant and struggle all the way through so it never does. But when the right person can get me to that place, it can be a great experience.

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